my small world

solitude

It was a good day. Was at peace with myself after a long time. Realized its importance more than before.
Unable to do anything in the afternoon. Caught hold of two books – Ben Hur by Lew Wallace and Rudali by Mahasweta Devi. Read few pages, got bored and left it. It needs patience and I was quite restless at that time. And since am writing a post after a long time, I missed on quite a few things, like I have developed a new interest in reading (at the cost of my baddy sessions). Hope I manage to continue with this. The problem is in selecting the book to start with, the size of which usually haunts me. Though I just managed to complete a 612 pages novel ‘A Fine Balance’ by Rohinton Mistry. Can you beat that! Am so proud of myself. A novel that helps me look out of my domain and brought me closer to reality. Helps to shape my frequently erupting thoughts. Taught me that life is not just fun, that the reality is residing just next to us and we refuse to open our eyes. Books, newspaper, magazines are just a superficial contact to the outer world. Crying for same things day in and day out. Running fast but still revolving about a point. Trying to solve our self created problems. Cursing life for no good reason. We, the future of our country, smoking away our present. Making ‘fun’ as the goal of our life deluded by the fact that this is life.

So unable to do anything in the afternoon, I went off to sleep. Was attached to two things earlier – food and sleep. Though food has lost its importance now. A little inspired by Gandhiji. He was 48kgs in 1946, height 5 feet 10 inches. Used to eat just one meal a day for more than 5 months, as an act of penance.


Found a new friend who is just like me. Talks less, understands me without me saying anything and I can share anything with it. That’s my dear friend “Solitude”.

In the evening, I watched ‘Cast Away’. And what can be a better movie for that state of my mind. The only difference being, I am a voluntary loner and he was forced. Movie ended with a beautiful line:
Never stop breathing
For the sun will rise again tomorrow
And who knows what time has in store for you.

Then the freshers night. I had company for sometime. But after an hour and a half, they too left and I was sitting alone enjoying every moment over there. Alone but not lonely. Lost in the crowd but can feel myself. ‘life is meaningless’ – my new pseudo-mantra.

There was Mr and Miss Freshers contest and I was the disheartened soul with the final decision. Didn’t know whom to blame – the judges, the system or the society. I left oat the moment result was declared.

Went to DJ night at 12. The big bang music could not shake my contended soul and I thought I would sit and watch. Or I need a sutta or two to wake up the sleeping freak inside me. But it took me hardly five minutes to set in tune with the night and I sweat it out. I was not dancing but doing aerobics, and loving that. It was fun after a long passive day.

It took me a long 15 minutes to go to sleep after I went to bed.
Enough of self- realization today. Back to track from tomorrow.
SEP22, 2006

posted by richa @ 8:43 PM